The Phrases shared by My Parent That Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the truth quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You require support. In what way can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger inability to communicate among men, who still hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to take a pause - taking a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are in this journey."